3rd update

All is well. Waiting for my second Pap Smear results because my 1st one came out with an inconclusive result. If the results are positive, then I think I am matched :)

My hubby also got a job in the states, and left at the beginning of March. We miss him dearly.

2nd update

I wanted to write a really quick update. I have had 2 different approaches from residents of my island, but nothing yet.

Issues to consider when thinking about Surrogacy

I wanted to provide links that have good reading material on various subjects for anyone interested...

1- On "Issues to Consider When Thinking About Surrogacy":

http://family-law.lawyers.com/adoptions/Issues-to-Consider-When-Thinking-About-Surrogacy.html

2- Great blog at Typepad titled "Surrogacy 101 - A Voice from the Trenches: Insights and Opinions of a Former Agency Owner, and 2x "Independent " Gestational Surrogate":

http://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/2008/week15/index.html

3- Surrogacy: The Psychological Side of Screening, go here:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/306944/surrogacy_the_psychological_side_of.html?cat=52

4- Military wife's using Tricare for Surrogacy. I thought this might interest prospective Intended Parents. Scroll down and read where it says "Military Health Care News":

http://www.usminstitute.org/newsletters/2007-04-13.pdf

5- Sample SURROGATE PARENTING AGREEMENT:

http://www.alllaw.com/forms/family/surrogate_parenting/

6- Motivations of Surrogate Mothers - Parenthood, Altruism and Self-Actualization (a three year study):

http://www.surrogacy.com/Articles/news_view.asp?ID=42

7- Surrogacy in Spanish - Subrogación en Español:

http://www.surrogacyinspanish.com/

8- Ethics of Surrogacy:

http://www.information-on-surrogacy.com/ethics-of-surrogacy.html

9- Surrogacy laws by state:

http://www.surrogacy.com/legals/map.html
http://www.surrogacy.com/legals/states.html
http://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/surrogacylaws.htm
http://www.simplesurrogacy.com/surrogacy_by_state.html

10- Information on Surrogacy:

http://www.information-on-surrogacy.com/

11- General Idea of FEES associated with Surrogacy:

http://www.simplesurrogacy.com/services_and_fees.html
http://intendedparents.com/Fees.asp
http://www.surrogacysolutions.net/fees.htm
http://www.surromomsonline.com/support/showthread.php?t=138032
http://www.surrogateweb.com/pages/financial?SWID=9b5ec63b949642d0abe6bccf746891a1
http://www.surrogateweb.com/content/pdf/surr_first_time_10867_6_1_3970.pdf

12- Reproductive Tourism? India's Latest Outsourcing: Surrogacy

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/631109/indias_latest_outsourcing_surrogacy.html?cat=47
http://us.oneworld.net/node/142538

13- Surrogacy in Puerto Rico:

http://kdka.com/seenon/surrogate.grandmother.Edna.2.378623.html
http://www.surromomsonline.com/support/showthread.php?t=65643
http://www.proudparenting.com/taxonomy/term/1172

Online report about surrogacy in PR in Spanish-
http://www.primerahora.com/XStatic/primerahora/template/nota.aspx?n=82650

14- A brief guide to Home Inseminations:

http://www.surromomsonline.com/support/showthread.php?t=126023

Medical Tests During Surrogacy

Below is a sample list of the types of tests which might be required for the surrogate mother, her husband, and the Intended Parents. This list is by no means all inclusive. There might be additional tests, or some might not be requested by your Reproductive Endocrinologist.
Surrogate Mother / Intended Mother

Urine

• Urine Drug Screen

Blood

• ABO Type and RH
• CMV IgG/IgM.
• Herpes Titer
• Hepatitis
• HIV
• HTLV-1
• RPR or VDRL
• Rubella
• Toxoplasma IgG/IgM

Pelvic Exam

• Chlamidia
• GC (DNA Probe)
• Hysteroscopy
• Mycoplasma
• Pap smear
• Ureaplasma

Breast Exam

• Mammogram

Intended Father (Bio Dad) / Semen Donor / Surrogate's Husband

Blood

• ABO Type and RH
• Hepatitis Panel
• HIV
• HTLV-1
• RPR or VDRL

Urine

• Urine Drug Screen

Semen

• Semen Culture and sensitivity

Besides all of this, there should be psychological evaluations done to the surrogate, her partner and the Intended Parents. Background checks are also a good idea. And of course, legal contracts.
 

Bilingual Stay at Home mom looking for IP's

This is what I have written at a surrogate profile I have online (Update,  May 27, 2015: That website was shut down.)

My husband and I have been together since 1992. We have three boys who are 13, 10 and 3 years old. I practice homebirthing, long term breastfeeding, attachment parenting, co-sleeping and homeschooling.

I have lived in Puerto Rico all my life, only going to the US to visit family, but as you can see I am bilingual. I read, write and speak spanish and english.

I am very open minded, good listener, more honest than I should be for my own good, eclectic, different, dance to my own beat kind of gal.

I've been researching surrogacy since my last child was about 8 months old, but still feel like a newbie :) So I'm hoping to learn a lot through this website, and maybe one day find a couple I can help even though I don't live in the US.

We are home owners. I have home birthed twice, and feel very passionate about natural birthing. I am open to birthing at the Intended Parents (IP's) home or a birthing center near their home. I am open to travel, and maybe even relocating if I found a family I clicked with and I got to know their extended family.

I have family members and a few good friends scattered in various states around the US, so the Intended Parents could end up saving quite a bit, for let's say, hotel stays.

Of course, I would prefer birthing in my own home in PR because I have my family here, and my midwife, and they are a great support for me, but the laws concerning surrogacy would have to be thoroughly researched. There are no laws in PR concerning surrogacy, even though Surrogacy is not unheard off. There was a woman who helped her own daughter have her baby and it was covered by the local news. There is also a lawyer in PR who has experience in egg donation, so it could be a possibility.

Otherwise, I welcome my IP's to be as involved with the pregnancy as distance will allow, and of course, I am completely open to them being at the birth of their child! I would actually love to have Intended Parents who could be close because it is so important for the unborn child to listen to the voice of their parents to be. Research shows that the unborn child learns to recognize the voice of it's mother, or in this case, the woman who carries him/her. So as you can imagine, this is of the utmost importance for the future parents. Even though, with recent technology, the possibilities of keeping in contact are endless!

While I consider my base fee to be on the lower side of what is considered the "average" for a 1st time surrogate, I still understand that this might still be too high for many couples. Nonetheless, please feel free to ask me about this without feeling like I might start to hound you, and if you feel inclined to give me a suggestion or maybe tell me what is the amount you can offer, then by all means go right ahead!

You can ask me without any compromise, any and all questions you might have. I will not be offended if what you are willing to offer is less than what I am willing to take. I am not only here to become a surrogate, but to make friends along the way :)

I understand many have wasted their hard earned savings in all this process, and are disillusioned, tired, scared and strapped financially. While I am open to negotiation, and I am sure my heart is in the right place, my husband, my family members and other surrogate friends have advised me to not take this lightly.

As I am sure you all understand, this is a huge physical undertaking that takes about 10+ months out of our lives, plus all the months of getting to know each other, medical testing, contracts, etc.

Of course, I welcome the opportunity to help a couple build the family they so dream off, and as always, am ready for the challenge of conceiving, pregnancy and birth!


Sincerely,
Vicky

1st update

Just wanted to write what has happened so far. I have only had 3 approaches since joining SurrogateMother.com (Update, May 27, 2015: This website was closed). I briefly vented about the first one on a previous post. Now, I completely understand that particular couples paranoia because it’s frankly started to kick in for me as well! It’s silly how any little thing about someone can seem like a red flag!

That’s what happened to me when I was approached by a second Intended Mom. I’m afraid I probably sounded very harsh and serious when I talked to her! Never did get a call back.

Then, I had a 3rd approach by another Intended Mother (IM) who asked about my fee 1st off. Just the evening before she contacted me, I was being helped (over the phone) by a Surrogate Mother friend I had recently made from CA and had pretty much figured out what I wanted to ask for. So I told this interested Intended Mother (IM) what my “base compensation” was, and in a subsequent message, told her my base compensation could be negotiated. Never got a reply back on this one either.

I’ve been giving my base compensation a LOT of though. I didn’t want to go lower because that is the amount my husband thinks I should get for such a big undertaking. It is 40 weeks of our lives. But then, I’ve started to think that I’m not getting any younger and the distance (me living in PR) is a big deterrent for many Intended Parents (IP’s), so I started to consider Gestational Surrogacy. The problem about GS for me is the fact that my toddler has to always be with me, he cries bloody murder if I leave his sight! That’s why Traditional Surrogacy (TS) is more convenient for me. Plus, I’d prefer to only carry one child, rather than multiples.

I’ve actually started to consider temporarily relocating if need be, but I guess I am afraid of change! 

It’s just something I am giving some though, and I though I’d write about, because sometimes I am asked how my journey is going, or what is up, and this way I can just say I blogged about it here :)

Good luck to everyone who is on this journey!

Vicky

Information about Puerto Rico

I figured I should write an entry about Puerto Rico, where I would not only give information about my island, but where I also included a little about myself. Placing the images and the spacing between words and pictures proved a little tricky for me, so sorry for it looking a bit weird :) Enjoy!

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Puerto Rico’s positioning:





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The 78 municipalities of Puerto Rico:






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The town where I was raised in for 30 years, and where I am actually residing right now – Luquillo, PR





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The town of Naguabo, PR where my hubby and I bought a house on January 2005. We are renting it out until November 1st, 2009





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This is our house. We miss it!






You can read more about Puerto Rico at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puerto_Rico


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Things you might not know about Puerto Rico


Did you know....


1) That Puerto Rico is the third country of the world with more physicians in proportion to its population?

2) That the first person to fly up a flag in Puerto Rico was El pirata Cofresí? (A Puerto Rican Pirate)

3) That it is estimated that there is more Nickel in the mountains of Puerto Rico than in the whole United States, including Alaska and Hawaii?

4) That the most dynamic pier in the Caribbean is in San Juan? 50% of all business, for a total of 1,400 millions in goods is transported to or from here.

5) The wood from our native tree ''El Guayacán'' is so strong that it suffers less wear and tear than steel?

6) That the first puertorican municipality founded in the 20th century was Jayuya in 1911?

7) That the male Coqui sings in a different way than the female? The male sings ''Coquí'' and the female ''co-coqui''...

8) Though its small size, 39 different kinds of soils have been identified in Vieques (a small island off the eastern coast of Puerto Rico)

9) That ''The pool'' in the horse races at El Comandante race track was invented by Boricuas (Indigenous name for Puerto Ricans)!


10) That the short distance in road terms from the highway that connects Vega Alta to the toll in Buchanan is among the 10 busiest highways in the World?

11) The only native mammal in Puerto Rico is the bat? And that the sounds of bats for the Batman movies were all recorded in the caves of Puerto Rico?

12) Square foot by square foot, Plaza Las Américas (Puerto Rico's biggest shopping center) is the most rentable and the one that sells the most in the American continent?

13) The first mother's day in Puerto Rico was celebrated in Yauco in 1915?

14) A couple of ''Boricua'' dancers did the coreographies for John Travolta in the movie Saturday Night Fever'.

15) Of the 7 biolimiscent (phospherecent) bays in the world, Puerto Rico has 4, and 3 of them are in Vieques?

16) That the word ''Huracán'' (Hurricane - A Taino Indian word) is used as far as Japan?

17) That the word "hamaca" (Hammock) is another Taino (the Puerto Rican original Indian dialect) word?

18) The word ''Barbecue'' does not comes from an Anglicism; it comes from the Taino word ''Barbacoa''?

19) The 3rd oldest theater in Las Américas is ''El Teatro Tapia'' in the Old San Juan?

20) The oldest church is the Western Hemisphere (The San José church) is in old San Juan?

21) The best selling flag in NY city is the Puerto Rican flag?

22) The largest JC Penney store in the whole world is located in Plaza Las Americas? Read more at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plaza_Las_Am%C3%A9ricas

23) The world's 3rd largest underground river is located in Camuy, Puerto Rico? And that the caves in Camuy through which that river flows, were the inspiration for the set designs of the Batman movies' "Bat Cave"?

24) Although the Island of Culebra (also off the eastern coast of Puerto Rico) is much smaller than the Mona Island, Culebra is inhabited while Mona is deserted?

25) That Juana Díaz is the only town in Puerto Rico with a first and last name?

26) That the island of Culebra was recently the set for the movie ''Cayo'' starring our own Roselyn Sánchez?

27) That Puerto Rican coffee is the official coffee of the Vatican in Rome? (NOT COLOMBIAN!!!)


Our local newspaper’s online site:
http://www.elnuevodia.com/noticias

Another online news site:
http://www.caribbeanbusinesspr.com/

Blog at Blogger that I like:
http://blog.dondees.com/

So this is me venting

First off, I'm trying to find Intended Parents (IP's) independently because the surrogacy agencies that are in US require that surrogates permanently reside in the continental US, and we are not planning on relocating there. The agencies also have age requirements that I'm not sure I'll be able to meet by the time I'm matched. Plus, we are home owners, so we really don't have the need to relocate.

Second, I'm sorry I am writing about this. There are no hard feelings. I just though it would serve others from the outside looking in, and any other newbies like me.


Ok, that said, this is a venting session. So let's get to venting! :p

So I've made a profile at a site I found (surrogatemother.com; UPDATE, May 2015: Currently SHUT DOWN) while researching surrogacy. I joined on January 9th if I'm not wrong. I only wrote general information about myself, as if I was filling out any other profile info about myself like in any other social network site that is out there. I didn't write what type of surrogate I wanted to be or any details about what my terms where or what I was looking for because I was frankly doing the most intensive research I had done as of yet, and felt like I still didn't completely know what to ask for.

So, to make a long story short. I was told by some IP's that "I sounded pushy and like a scam" after I started sending them some information about myself, and about how the surrogacy journey would proceed in Puerto Rico (because they asked this).

I also started trying to find a surrogate in PR that I had read about a long time back, and found her at Facebook, because you know everyone is there! While doing all of this, I kept the couple informed. I though I was always sounding very professional and courteous. I also told them this surrogate informed me there was a lawyer in Puerto Rico (PR) who had experience with egg donation.

I though I was doing someone a favor. And I was ready for rejection, but it never ever crossed my mind that I would sound like a scam. And after much reflection and putting myself in their shoes I completely understand. As another friend of mine told me, nowadays people commit most frauds and scams over the web.

And I get the pushy part because I tend to be too talkative in person, so it reflects in my writing as well! :)

After feeling so shocked, I asked at the forum of this site what common email etiquette was when being approached by IP's, and I was told to be brief and only answer what was being asked.

So I guess this is a blessing in disguise and that's why I have decided to start writing a bit more about my experiences and thoughts here. I know that I keep learning the more I read and what I write could help other surrogates and/or IP's who are starting out. Plus, venting is cathartic in and of itself, and has it's proven benefits :)

My experience is of course a bit different and will not apply to all because I have decided that what I'd prefer is to not travel, but have the Intended Parents(IP's) travel to me. And I also wish to birth in Puerto Rico. So bear in mind that on many occasions what I say might only apply to my place of residence.

After asking a few questions at the forum, I also decided to place more pictures of my family and write a bit more about myself. I am also going to try and be more active there and try to create some friends. I know that if achieving trust is hard to do even in person, it'll be harder to do through the Internet, but it will have to do!

I can also see by reading the discussions in the forum that this is going to be a roller coaster ride and I was explaining that to my husband yesterday. I see so many desperate people. So many are confused and frightened.

In the beginning of joining that site, I had decided to keep a low profile 'till I was sure of many things that I'm still researching, but when I was approached I will admit I got a bit excited! But NO more. What I've decided to do is:

- Write everything I want and expect on my profile and blog. No private emailing unless completely necessary.

- If the IP's want to know about something I haven't made clear in my profile, I want them to ask in my comment box and I'll either make a blog about it or edit my information and add that tidbit of information. Hey, they are doing me a big favor by asking me questions in a public format. I have nothing to hide and I wish to have all the cards laid out on the table from the beginning. So by them asking me in a public way about a subject I haven't touched, they are in fact helping me update my profile :)

- I wanted to be a bit flexible with IP's, because gosh I know their expenses are a lot, and I have a very empathetic side, but I think I am better off being firm about my needs and wants as well.

(Update: Feb. 7th, 2009 – I’ve found myself giving in with private messaging. It seems I’ve got to learn to take my own advice!)


Well, my 3 year old just woke up from his nap and I really can't type that well, so I'll just finish off by wishing good luck to anyone reading! It's a dogie-dog surrogacy world out there! LOL!

Baby blessings!


:: Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. - Mark Twain ::

Vicky

Doing research

I hadn't blogged in a while because frankly, I'm still researching surrogacy. It seems like a very overwhelming search for both Intended Parents and surrogates. I mean, just browsing at IP's classified ads makes me realize that picking a couple would be extremely difficult!

Then there's the fact that I would be a 1st time surrogate, so I feel I need to do my homework. Doing it through an agency would be SO much easier, but unfortunately there are none here in PR, and the ones I've found on the net require that the surrogate live in the continental USA.

We wanted to relocate to Louisiana, but a job my husband got there wasn't going to well, so he returned back home. Nonetheless, I believe it all happened for a reason. While my hubby was in LA, I replied (for the first and only time) to an Intended Mother's classified ad, and now I have her as a friend at Myspace (May 27, 2015 UPDATE: She is still my friend at Facebook! Hey Megan!). I am not going to be her surrogate, but am looking forward to learning from her own journey as an Intended Mother going through an Independent Traditional Surrogacy.

So now I'm reading a lot about what everyone calls going "indy", and WOW! I get anxious just reading about it! I mean, do Intended Parents know that at least "I" ask myself many of the same things they ask themselves about surrogate mothers? Like:

- Are these IP's of sound mind? What I mean is, are they mentally stable.
- Are they drug or alcohol users?
- Are their intentions good?
- Are they good people?
- Do they have a criminal background?
- Are they sexual offenders?
- Does either one abuse their spouse in any way?

So many questions. All I know of agencies is what I've seen on the internet as I've started to research surrogacy, but it all does sound more "secure" at an agency. And I'm not referring to the surrogates mother's fee being secure. What I'm referring to is that everyone involved seems to be more scrutinized. And that can't be that bad, right? If anyone reading has been, or knows of someone who has/is going through a surrogacy agreement through an agency, please give me your opinions or views. I would really appreciate it.

I know that it's more costly for the Intended Parents. And that also raised a few questions for me. One of them being: Who can afford this?! I think if I was the IP, I'd have to try going independent (Indy) as well! :)

Anyway, I guess I'm just writing away my questions and will continue to do more reading. I've been doing on and off research since my toddler was about 1 year, and now he's 3, so I guess I've been doing a lot of reading right?! LOL! :P

I guess I'll finish off by wishing good luck to anyone reading!


~ Vicky ~

Latina residing in PR for 33 yrs now
Oldest of 3 sisters
Mommy of 3 boys
Wife for 15 yrs