Saturday, January 17, 2009

So this is me venting

First off, I'm trying to find Intended Parents (IP's) independently because the surrogacy agencies that are in US require that surrogates permanently reside in the continental US, and we are not planning on relocating there. The agencies also have age requirements that I'm not sure I'll be able to meet by the time I'm matched. Plus, we are home owners, so we really don't have the need to relocate.

Second, I'm sorry I am writing about this. There are no hard feelings. I just though it would serve others from the outside looking in, and any other newbies like me.

Ok, that said, this is a venting session. So let's get to venting! :p

So I've made a profile at a site I found (; UPDATE, May 2015: Currently SHUT DOWN) while researching surrogacy. I joined on January 9th if I'm not wrong. I only wrote general information about myself, as if I was filling out any other profile info about myself like in any other social network site that is out there. I didn't write what type of surrogate I wanted to be or any details about what my terms where or what I was looking for because I was frankly doing the most intensive research I had done as of yet, and felt like I still didn't completely know what to ask for.

So, to make a long story short. I was told by some IP's that "I sounded pushy and like a scam" after I started sending them some information about myself, and about how the surrogacy journey would proceed in Puerto Rico (because they asked this).

I also started trying to find a surrogate in PR that I had read about a long time back, and found her at Facebook, because you know everyone is there! While doing all of this, I kept the couple informed. I though I was always sounding very professional and courteous. I also told them this surrogate informed me there was a lawyer in Puerto Rico (PR) who had experience with egg donation.

I though I was doing someone a favor. And I was ready for rejection, but it never ever crossed my mind that I would sound like a scam. And after much reflection and putting myself in their shoes I completely understand. As another friend of mine told me, nowadays people commit most frauds and scams over the web.

And I get the pushy part because I tend to be too talkative in person, so it reflects in my writing as well! :)

After feeling so shocked, I asked at the forum of this site what common email etiquette was when being approached by IP's, and I was told to be brief and only answer what was being asked.

So I guess this is a blessing in disguise and that's why I have decided to start writing a bit more about my experiences and thoughts here. I know that I keep learning the more I read and what I write could help other surrogates and/or IP's who are starting out. Plus, venting is cathartic in and of itself, and has it's proven benefits :)

My experience is of course a bit different and will not apply to all because I have decided that what I'd prefer is to not travel, but have the Intended Parents(IP's) travel to me. And I also wish to birth in Puerto Rico. So bear in mind that on many occasions what I say might only apply to my place of residence.

After asking a few questions at the forum, I also decided to place more pictures of my family and write a bit more about myself. I am also going to try and be more active there and try to create some friends. I know that if achieving trust is hard to do even in person, it'll be harder to do through the Internet, but it will have to do!

I can also see by reading the discussions in the forum that this is going to be a roller coaster ride and I was explaining that to my husband yesterday. I see so many desperate people. So many are confused and frightened.

In the beginning of joining that site, I had decided to keep a low profile 'till I was sure of many things that I'm still researching, but when I was approached I will admit I got a bit excited! But NO more. What I've decided to do is:

- Write everything I want and expect on my profile and blog. No private emailing unless completely necessary.

- If the IP's want to know about something I haven't made clear in my profile, I want them to ask in my comment box and I'll either make a blog about it or edit my information and add that tidbit of information. Hey, they are doing me a big favor by asking me questions in a public format. I have nothing to hide and I wish to have all the cards laid out on the table from the beginning. So by them asking me in a public way about a subject I haven't touched, they are in fact helping me update my profile :)

- I wanted to be a bit flexible with IP's, because gosh I know their expenses are a lot, and I have a very empathetic side, but I think I am better off being firm about my needs and wants as well.

(Update: Feb. 7th, 2009 – I’ve found myself giving in with private messaging. It seems I’ve got to learn to take my own advice!)

Well, my 3 year old just woke up from his nap and I really can't type that well, so I'll just finish off by wishing good luck to anyone reading! It's a dogie-dog surrogacy world out there! LOL!

Baby blessings!

:: Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. - Mark Twain ::



  1. You are NOT pushy! You have your poop in a group and simply need to hang ten until the RIGHT IP's come your way. What a unique opportunity for that special couple or individual.

    When the click happens, it will be amazing.

  2. Thanks again Julie! You have completely brightened my whole day :)

    Sending you a big virtual hug!